A la deriva
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Comentarios
You're wicked cool.
Hey Colleen!
In your first paragraph the word "anos" needs the squigle thing on t he "N".
- you uwrote "hombre" in the last sentence but I think you might have meant "hombres" or "hambre" or something else.
-In the 2nd paragraph make sure you underline or italisize the title o the story "A la Deriva"
- In the 3rd paragraph i'm not sure but the wird "tema" might be feminine, I couldn't figure it out though so maybe not.
-underline "A la Derviva" again.
-"pico" needs an accent on the "o"
- "tenia" needs an accent on the "i"
- "mas" needs an accent on the "a"
-I like all the interesting (but sad) info you included about the author!
Hi Colleen,
In the beginning, you say "El escribió del hombre y su lucha contra la vida y la naturaleza." The "El" should have an accent on the "E" I'm not sure how to do that. The final sentence should be "El (with the accent) escribió sobre un hombre..." to give the meaning "He wrote about a man..."
Avoid repeting "muerte" in the second paragraph. try using some pronouns, like "lo."
This phrase from the third paragraph "...la representación de la naturaleza..." could also be changed to "...una representación..."
Also, "pero la naturaleza tenia mas" should have tenía, instead.
Hey Colleen
-I agree with Kate, you need the tilde on the n in "anos".
- I don't agree with Kate about the gender of "tema". Tema is masculine.
-In the last paragraph, the first sentence, I think you meant to say "Another theme of his stories is the fight BETWEEN man and nature", which would be "...es la lucha entre el (or un, depending on whether you want to say man in general, or just one guy) hombre y la naturaleza."
-I agree with Kate when she says that "pico" needs to be "picó" and "tenia" needs to be "tenía" and "mas" needs to be "más".
-"El escribió del hombre y su lucha contra la vida y la naturaleza." is a very interesting sentence. I agree with Maha that "El" needs to be "Él". I also agree with Maha that if you are going to say "su lucha" you should make it clear that you are talking about a man as opposed to men in general. And are you sure you want to say "his fight against life and nature"? Like I said before, maybe you want to consider using "entre" instead of "contra", or make it clear whose life he is fighting.
-I also agree with Maha in that you can probably replace "muerte" with pronouns like "la" and "ella". But the fact that almost every appearance of "su muerte" is after a prepositional phrase ending with "de", it might sound weird in my opinion to keep saying "contra ella" and "antes de ella".
-I don't think what Maha says about "la representación" is necessary. I think you are asserting that the snake is the one and only symbol of nature's ferocity. Maybe a word like "símbolo" might be more clear.
Over all, it's good. I was shocked about all the suicides in Quiroga's life.
Jason
heyyy colleen. very interesting and sad stuff about quiroga's life :( but good points there. in the second paragraphy you instead of repeating 'su muerte' so much you could write "Sufrió mucho antes de morirse" or something. Then when you go back to talking about Quiroga instead of Paulino in this sentence: "Debido a las muchas muertes de personas en su vida, él tenía ideas deprimentes de la vida." you should make sure you put the author's name to make it clear. same with the beginning of the 3rd paragraph, put 'Quiroga' or 'el autor' in there. very good overall!
hii colleen. You're essay is great and really informing
... I'm the first paragraph I think when you said "soldadores lo mataron su padre" the lo should be los because soldadores is plural so you want agreement. "unos anños después" it should be años ... just a little accent problem. In the second paragraph I noticed that for the most part you used past tense but there was one occasion when you said "cuando está cerca" you just want to make sure when you're talking about the story you want to keep it all agreeing. then in the third paragraph you said "La serpiente lo pico " I think you meant picó. Just watch out to make sure you're agreeing and using accents so subjects aren't confused.
Great ideas and so well written! I definately got what you were trying to say.good job! -Lauren
Colleen,
i found this very interesting.
The ano in the beginning should have a line above the n.
tenia also needs an accent for the i.
You could put quotes around A La Deriva.
You also misspelled anos as you said annos.
Great job!
Hi!
paragraph 1:
- anos should have an accent on the n
- in your last sentence, a better option would be to say "entre la vida y la naturaleza" versus "contra la vida y la naturaleza"
- El should have an accent on the E since you are talking about a person, not an object
- good job using "Por fin", it helps to wrap up and conclude the paragraph, showing the chronology of his life
- I disagree with Lauren regarding changing the lo, since the father was killed by the soldiers and the verb is already in agreement with who committed the action
paragraph 2:
- A la deriva should only have the A capitalized
- the word muerte was used in five of the six sentences, so I would suggest using a synonomous word
- in the last sentence, it says "modo a ser feliz", however, for some reason that just doesn't seem right (I may be very, very wrong)
paragraph 3:
- again, instead of contra in the first sentence, entre would probably work better if you were trying to say between
- pico should have an accent on the o
- mas should have an accent on the a
- tenia should have an accent on the i
- as for what Jason and Maha are saying about una representación versus la, it really all depends on if you were saying the snake is the representation or just one of the many, so either would work, but adjustments could be made in word choice for clarity purposes
Hola Colleen!
* "anos"- needs an accent on the n.
* "el"- whenever you are using the word el to mean he, you need an accent on the e.
* "pico"- needs an accent on the o.
Very Very Good Job!!
Hey Colleen,
-un arma should be una arma because arma is femenine
-anos should be años
-like other people mentioned, when referring to "he" with el, the e should have an accent.
-in the third paragraph when you said"la representacion" i think it should be "una representacion" so that you're saying the snake is a representation instead of the representation.
-As Jackie mentioned, pico should have an accent over the o.
-Also, as Cara mentioned, tenia should have an accent on the i.
Very Good Job!
-There are a few accents missing, like ano in the first paragraph and also pico in the final paragraph
-when you say,"Quiroga lo mató su amigo con un arma cuando era joven" it might be easier to use the verb to shoot, disparar just to make it clearer.
-->"Quiroga muestra en este cuento que hombres no pueden conquistar la ferocidad del mundo natural. " it might make it easier to understand if you switch the words around and say En este cuento Quiroga muestra que...
Good job!
